Me, A Lousy Cop
Well, Mr. Citizen, I guess you've figured me out. I seem to fit neatly in the category where
you placed me. I am stereotyped, characterized, standardized, classified, grouped, and
always typical. Unfortunately, the reverse is not true.. I can never figure you out. From birth you
teach your children that I'm the boogeyman and then you're shocked when they identify with
my traditional enemy, THE CRIMINAL. You accuse me of coddling
juveniles until I catch your kid doing wrong. You take an hour for lunch and several coffee
breaks each day, but point me out as a loafer if you catch me having just one cup. You pride
yourself on your polished manners, but think nothing of disrupting my meals with your
troubles. You raise hell with the guy who cuts you off in traffic, but let me catch you doing the
same thing and I'm picking on you. You know all the traffic laws, but you've never gotten a
single ticket you deserved. You shout "FOUL!" if you see me
driving too fast to an emergency call, but raise hell if I take more than ten seconds to
respond to your call. You call it part of my job if someone strikes me, but it's police brutality
if I strike back. You would not think of telling your dentist how to pull a badly-decayed tooth,
or your doctor how to take out your appendix, but are always willing to give me a few
pointers on the law. You talk to me in a manner that would assure a bloody nose from anyone
else, but expect me to take it without batting an eye. You cry "Something has got to be done
about the crime!" but you can't be bothered with getting involved. You have no use for me at
all, but of course it's O.K. if I change a flat for your wife, or deliver your child in the back
seat of my radio car on the way to the hospital, or save your son's life with mouth-to-mouth
resuscitation, or work many hours looking for your lost daughter. So, Mr. Citizen, you stand
there on your soapbox and rant and rave about the way I do my job, calling me every name
in the book, but
never stopping to think that your property, your family, or maybe even your life depends on
me or one of my buddies. Yes, Mr. Citizen, it's me, the lousy cop!
