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Me, A Lousy Cop

Well, Mr. Citizen, I guess you've figured me out. I seem to fit neatly in the category where you placed me. I am stereotyped, characterized, standardized, classified, grouped, and always typical. Unfortunately, the reverse is not true.. I can never figure you out. From birth you teach your children that I'm the boogeyman and then you're shocked when they identify with my traditional enemy, THE CRIMINAL. You accuse me of coddling juveniles until I catch your kid doing wrong. You take an hour for lunch and several coffee breaks each day, but point me out as a loafer if you catch me having just one cup. You pride yourself on your polished manners, but think nothing of disrupting my meals with your troubles. You raise hell with the guy who cuts you off in traffic, but let me catch you doing the same thing and I'm picking on you. You know all the traffic laws, but you've never gotten a single ticket you deserved. You shout "FOUL!" if you see me driving too fast to an emergency call, but raise hell if I take more than ten seconds to respond to your call. You call it part of my job if someone strikes me, but it's police brutality if I strike back. You would not think of telling your dentist how to pull a badly-decayed tooth, or your doctor how to take out your appendix, but are always willing to give me a few pointers on the law. You talk to me in a manner that would assure a bloody nose from anyone else, but expect me to take it without batting an eye. You cry "Something has got to be done about the crime!" but you can't be bothered with getting involved. You have no use for me at all, but of course it's O.K. if I change a flat for your wife, or deliver your child in the back seat of my radio car on the way to the hospital, or save your son's life with mouth-to-mouth resuscitation, or work many hours looking for your lost daughter. So, Mr. Citizen, you stand there on your soapbox and rant and rave about the way I do my job, calling me every name in the book, but never stopping to think that your property, your family, or maybe even your life depends on me or one of my buddies. Yes, Mr. Citizen, it's me, the lousy cop!